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Hello Dr. Robert!

I know you must be getting mails by the hundreds, so Im going to try to keep it as short as possible.

I'm hispanic living in Japan, and I've been dating my girlfriend (a local) for about 2 years now! She's a great

person and a lovely girl, with who I'd like to marry someday, but there is a small problem: Our sex life is a wreck.

She doesn't enjoy sex with me, and she can't keep up with my sexual desire. She's very conservative and a little

narrow minded. Also because japanese culture is so different, she's not very good at showing affection for me.

I started thinking of the possibility that she might've been abused as a child or had an unpleasant sexual experience,

but she said she didn't. This is causing me a lot of pain because I love her, but the sex issue seems to be getting

in the way every time we're together! I always tell her how beautiful she is and how much I would like to try new

things, but she is totally shut to try anything new. I've cheated on her several times, not as a revenge, but because

I really needed to (is it normal not to feel guilt?). Now I'm not asking her to do anything out of the ordinary! For instance,

I would love her to dress sexier for me, or to have sex more than once a night! Everybody tells me that I should

leave her so I wont cause her (and myself) anymore pain, but when I tried to break up, the idea of loosing her terrified me

so I couldn’t bring myself to do it!

I've tried it all Doc. Is there a way I can solve my problem without having to break up with her?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for your time Dr Robert.

Brian Moran

ask dr-robert  ask psychologist dr robert saltzman

Hello, Brian--

I know you will not like hearing this, but the people who have been advising you to give her up are on the right track, and what you are calling a "small problem" is really an almost insurmountable one. When this much difference in sexual desire and sexual habits exists between two people at the beginning of a relationship, the odds of coming to a happy medium are very long indeed. I must agree that it would be better to end this now before you cause yourself and her any more suffering.

Sorry for the bad news.

Be well.

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