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Dear Doctor Robert,

Yesterday, my husband with whom I was for 20 years, has told me, that he does not love me and doesn't want to be with me. We never had any scandals or even serious arguments before. But he told me, that he struggled with himself last two years and finally three weeks ago leased an apartment near his workplace and will move there.

We are both were born in Russia. I am 42 now. Fifteen years ago we have moved to Canada. My husband is a scientist and his work always was very important to him. I was a housewife. We have two sons, 19 year old and 7 year old. All these years I did everything in my power to create home life for my husband as easy as possible. Two years ago he became a big supervisor and to be a scientist became almost impossible. He began to travel to Germany to work for 1-2 months in a row twice a year. It, probably, was the most productive time for him. He only work and sleep for whole time there. Besides, he has convinced me to move my parents to live with us. We sponsored them to Canada.

Now I have remained with two 77 year old people and two sons. The most close and dear person of mine in a whole world has thrown me away as old shoes. He has made it the same way as his own father at the same age has made it with his family.

I am in a panic. It is hard even to breath for me now. I do not know how to live further. In your opinion, will it be helpful to seek marriage counseling? Or it is end for us? Could you please, write me back with some advice.


Tatiana Ivanova

Dear Tatiana--

I am so sorry for your suffering. And I am sorry to have to say that marriage counseling does not seem possible in this case, because marriage counseling will only be effective if both partners approach it with the idea of trying to be together.

In my opinion, instead of marriage counseling, you should seek individual psychotherapy which will be aimed at helping you to adjust to this terrible disappointment, and with helping you to get on with life without your husband.

Be well.

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