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Good morning,

I have been dating a man for 2 years. I love him very much and thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I think he's bi-sexual and won't admit it. He cross dresses on a regular basis. He likes to wear women's panties a lot and goes on the internet almost daily looking at cross dressers and their profiles. He has his own profile and has pics of him in women's panties on it. He looks at the most disgusting things on the internet regarding sex. He's admitted to me he wouldn't mind having oral sex with a man but also said he doesn't fantasize about having sex with men--he admitted he wouldn't mind having a three-some with me and another man or women, didn't matter. And he likes to play with a dildo. He has anal and oral sex with it. The dressing doesn't really bother me that much but his constant fantasy with other men cross dressing bugs me out. I think it's weird. Why does he have to look at other men dressed up as a women and their profiles? He looks at women too, but most of his searches are of men and their penises. I don't want to carry on this relationship if one day he decides to tell me he's gay. It's very upsetting. I've asked him if he's bi-sexual or gay and he says no.

Any suggestions would be great.



Dear Nancy--

Your boyfriend's sexuality seems a bit strange, but there is nothing really wrong with it except that his ways of stimulating himself are distressing to you, and do not seem to have much to do with you and your sexuality. In other words, on the erotic level you two seem to be a bad match. That situation will not improve with time. In fact, probably it will only get worse. I say this because, in my experience, people tend to move deeper into the individual features of their own sexuality as they grow older.

You say that you don't want to carry on this relationship if "one day he decides to tell me he's gay." But I wonder why you want to carry it on now. Saying you "love" him is not enough of a reason in my opinion. Why would you want to go on with something that fills your heart with so much worry and doubt, particularly since you have ample reason to feel that worry and doubt.

You asked for a suggestion, so here it is: there are lots of fish in the sea. Throw this one back, cry the tears that you must, and then find a new man to love, one who is interested in sex only with a woman: you.

Be well.

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