ask dr-robert

ask dr-robert ask psychologist todos santos ask psychologist dr robert saltzman

My step daughter is 12 and she and her dad were once close when she was younger. Now he hardly spends any time with her or talks to her. Now she is a little boy crazy and she seems to chase them and accept anything as a boyfriend, even web dates whom she has never seen. She seems to fall in love easily and often.

Now it seems she is more sexually aware. I am not sure, but I think she sees me as a sexual being and its messing with my head because there is an attraction between us that is more sexual than conventional. We are close and we talk about her so called "boyfriends" all the time. But sometimes she does things in front of me that could be seen as sexual and then glances at my groin area to see if I am aroused, and I admit that sometimes I am because she is well developed and I love her but the two are getting mixed up and so am I.

I would never actually do anything sexual with her for fear of hurting her mother and our family, but my fantasy bothers me and I want to help her channel her sexual energy to a more positive end. How do I do this.


You have a difficult two-part problem here. First off, your step daughter is boy crazy due to the broken relationship with her father. In other words, she is trying to fill the hole in her heart by looking elsewhere, everywhere, for the kind of male attention she is not getting from her dad just at the time when she needs it most.

The second part of the problem is your inappropriate attraction to this child, who, despite having breasts, is still totally a child. In your favor, at least you know that your feelings are inappropriate, and you have admitted that to yourself and to me. It would be absolutely devastating to all three of you were you to act on your attraction in any physical way, and I am glad you know that.

The solution here is most definitely not for you to "help her channel her sexual energy to a more positive end," as you wrote. You are probably one of the worst-situated persons in all the world to do that at this point. In fact, it is your sexual energy which needs to be redirected, and right away. I suggest that you seek out professional counseling as soon as possible to get help in doing that, the help you urgently require.

Be well.

Tell a friend about this page!
Their Name:
Their Email:
Your Name:
Your Email:

return to ask dr-robert archives

page last modified October 28, 2006

copyright robert saltzman 2006 all rights reserved