ask dr-robert

DEAR DR. ROBERT:

I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS. I KNOW HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC, BUT OF COURSE HE DOES NOT THINK SO.

WHEN WE FIRST MET WE WOULD GO OUT TO RESTURANTS TO DRINK AND EAT AND BASICALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME. IT REALLY DID NOT faze ME AT THAT TIME ABOUT THE DRINKING. 3 YEARS AGO WE BOUGHT A HOUSE TOGETHER AND TOOK ON (IN MY EYES) A MAJOR RESPONSIBILITY. WE OCCASIONALLY GO OUT TO EAT AND DRINK, BUT I DO NOT DRINK A LOT BECAUSE I AM USUALLY GOING TO DRIVE HOME.

JAMES DRINKS BACARDI AND COKE, USUALLY A SLASH OF COKE. HE ON MOST NIGHTS DRINKS ABOUT 7 TO 8 DRINKS. HE GETS THIS LOOK ABOUT HIM WHICH I CAN NOT STAND TO BE AROUND. HE IS A GREAT GUY, FUNNY AND VERY LOVING WHEN HE IS NOT DRINKING. I ALSO HELP HIM TAKE CARE OF HIS SON WHO IS 3 YEARS OLD AND USUALLY WHEN WE HAVE HIM ON THE WEEKENDS IT IS ME TAKING CARE OF BOTH OF THEM.

I ALWAYS TRY TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIS PROBLEM AND TELL HIM THAT IT HURTS ME WHEN HE DRINKS, BUT AS I HAVE SAID HE DOES NOT THINK HE HAS A PROBLEM. I COULD WRITE SO MUCH MORE BUT I AM SURE YOU HAVE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

LISA



Dear Lisa--

I replied to a similar question previously on this site. In that answer I suggested an an intervention, in which friends and family get together with the problem drinker and, along with professional help, try to make the drinker understand and admit that his or her drinking is threatening both him or herself, as well as all of his or her friends, family, work associates, etc.

I suggest that you take a look at that reply to see if this might be the kind of thing you would like to do.

Be well.