Dear Dr. Robert--
I am hoping that one of you may be able to give me some direction on how I can help myself.
Whether I should be medicated, or need counseling, or even better if you have some quick advice that may direct me on my way.
Ok, so symptoms:
Feeling as though everything is going to fail
Acceptance of bad things, a loss of the ability to be excited as I always expect something to go wrong: never really happy or sad
Not able to see a positive future
Loss of hope (not fully, I believe that maybe someday something will change, but find it very improbable without a change)
Thoughts of death (suicide or accidental but never intense, only to the fact of escapism)
Low self image, esteem
Perceptions of myself that are created from previous experiences (girlfriends or friends that have described what they are looking for): i.e. Not fit, not positive, not masculine, not enough money, not a good job, no house/rental, living with parents, snore.
Those people that I’m attracted to want someone more and those that will accept me as is always want to change me (fixers). But I always find myself to not be good enough. Not out going or experienced enough (no game).
I don’t laugh at many jokes, I feel like I have a dark or rude sense of humor compared to most.
I don’t consider myself conservative; think of conservative people as ignorant (They close themselves off to the rest of the world and think everything is bad and negative). I Drink, smoke, have done drugs, cuss, dark sense of humor
Co-dependent: as I need to be around people in general. Through analysis of my habits I initially thought that I was an alcoholic however I found no real need for alcohol itself. Spending time with friends outside of a bar environment produced the same stimulation for me, alcohol or not. Habitual socialite.
Without friendship or a significant other I find it hard to be positive.
I’m very touchy feely with those significant others; i.e. cuddling, kissing, hugging, any sort of physical touch.
I feel separate from everyone that I am friends with, never feel as though I am a part of the group or community. Don’t feel as though I share the same perspective as they do. Don’t feel like I’m treated the same (which may be totally internalized). I’m accepted but always feel separate.
Feel unsuccessful in my career. 29 and work in a call center. Hate the work (like being a cog in a machine). Can’t ever get ahead due to either dislike of the company (call center) or just not able to provide the correct attitude to show my ability to manage and lead through attendance problems and negative attitude.
I learn very quickly and have the ability to teach very well (ability to speak to people on their level and help them understand complex ideas).
I have been told that before I started working for call centers that I was happier. However it was always the problem that I didn’t make enough money at the other jobs.
Have a hard time following through with complex ideas. (such as business and creative ideas)
I fell like I’m always in search of a muse to inspire me in some direction (a purpose, a reason), however everyone says that you have to make yourself happy (which so far I have not been able to do).
The thought of using antidepressant drugs has always been a worry for me. The thought of taking a drug that will make me numb to the feelings I have or take more away from my personality than is helpful.
Most people tell me to do something that will make me happy. I don’t know what that is. I feel trapped in my job and also feel as though I have no choices for job alternatives that will pay as much as I am making now. I don’t have the money to buy things to make me happy or go on vacations and no one to go with if I did have.
It’s hard to be happy with who you are when you don’t see any positive future being who you are. Everyone likes me because I’m a “Nice Guy” which is some sort of personality that I created over the years as a self defense mechanism to make sure everyone did like me.
It seems like most people have a specific front or emphasis on there specific personality, a certain ego that I lack, and with that, I lack the perception of self confidence as well.
Judging from what you have written, I would say that you are suffering from a depression which must be treated by an expert. I suggest finding an experienced therapist to help you to heal this illness. Medication may or may not be needed—only your therapist can make that call—but medication alone should never be used; the personal therapeutic relationship is the key to treating this disease in my experience.
You should take action right away. Untreated, depression almost always worsens, and depression, while it continues, hurts not just the mind, spirit, and way of life, but the body as well. You should view your present emotional state as a form of illness, and begin to look for someone to help you heal.
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