I am 18 years old and i have a serious problem. When i was 13-14 years old i made sexual experiments with another boy (i am a boy by the way). It was that i was attracted to him physically or mentally but at that time i had very strong "hormones". I was attracted only to girls. Even that time i had a girlfriend. I was and still am very attracted to girls physically and emotionally. Those experiences i erased them from my mind until now. During all those years of high-school i never thought about being with another guy (the only idea disgust me). Even when i was for ex in the gym or alone with other guys i never felt attracted to them in any way. When i masturbated myself i thought only about girls and i watched only normal pornos.
I don't remember what was the specifically episode but suddenly i remembered all that that i have done. Now i feel miserable, terrible and ashamed. I have a strong sense of guilt and i think i dishonored myself and my family. I thought about suicide and once i almost did it.(i cut in a wrong way my veins).I even become more depressed when i see what life i had before remembering that (very good student, athletic, agile and so on). I even had the most magnificent girl, but i never made love to a girl not because i dont want to but because here girls have love after 20 years old. Now i am very obsessed about my first time. My head is full of question that begin "What if....." For ex what if in the future i would not be attracted to girls anymore and other perversities like those. I want my mind to stop but i have these thoughts coming in my head or images not that i want them to come but they just interfere.
PLEASE doctor. I am telling you please help me because now the only solution seems only the suicide.
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It is not uncommon for boys around 13 years old to experiment sexually with someone of the same sex. This does not mean that you are homosexual. My advice is to stop worrying about this, and just get on with your life. I hope you will believe me and just let this go. If you cannot, then you need more help than I can give in a letter, and you must find a psychologist in your country who can help.
Thank you a lot for responding me so fast. I have only a question for you doctor. I have told you that i had sexual experiments with another boy but i wasn't attracted to him. If you could see me in normal life you would not even suspect about me for being even 0.0000001% homosexual. My question is and i am asking you as a psychologist. The fact that i am aroused only by girls, i masturbate thinking only about them and so on. What should i call myself?
Please doctor this is the last time i am disturbing you because i am easily obsessed and when you said that sexual experiences in the age 13-14 werent very common it was very hard for me. Please doctor respond me as fast as you can. Thanks in advance
I think you misunderstood my first reply. I was saying that sexual experiments with another boy are common (not uncommon) around the age of thirteen. And, I want to assure you that judging from what you have written, you are heterosexual, not homosexual. Even heterosexual people might sometimes have homosexual thoughts or experiences, but if your main source of erotic pleasure is women, you are not gay. But I would also like to say that if you were gay (I know you are not) that would be OK too. People are what they are, and being what one is is not a crime or a sin, but the best that one can do in life. I believe that much of your anxiety must come from a religious and cultural indoctrination which told you that homosexuality is a sin which might keep you from going to paradise in the afterlife. That is nonsense, and I hope you will learn to discard such ignorant, bigoted, perverse ideas. Since I imagine that you reside in a so-called Muslim country, perhaps you even fear that you could go to jail or even be put to death if the authorities believed that you were gay. Putting fear like that in the minds of children is far worse than merely filling their heads with the obvious absurdities of doctrinal religion (which is bad enough)--it is outright child abuse, a criminal abuse of human rights. All you Muslims who claim to be so proud of your culture and your religion ought to be ashamed of yourselves for lending support to this outrage against humanity!
Fatos, I hope this will help you to stop obsessing.
Breathtakingly ignorant as it seems to those of us who live in countries which allow free speech and diversity of belief, in most parts of the world ruled by Islamic law homosexuality is a crime punishable by long imprisonment or even death:
Men Holding Hands.
Men Hanging Men.
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