Hi, Dr. Robert--
My name is Terry and I live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I am 25 years old and have been dating my boyfriend now for over a year. The problem I am having is that my boyfriend talks in his sleep all the time about a girl he met about 2 years ago. He said it was love at first sight but nothing happened cause she was dating someone else. His dreams have been anything from saying how he would leave me for her to him having a sexual dream about her. I am wondering if I have anything to really worry about or is this just something men do. Please help me to try and figure out what to make of this.
Sorry to be so long in replying. I have been traveling, and have just returned to find an amazing backlog of email. This site has now become the world's most popular ask the psychologist website, and I struggle to keep up with the volume of questions I am receiving. To others who have written: I am trying to reply to as many of your letters as possible, but if your question seems urgent, please consider looking for help locally.
I do not think this is something that “men do.” I think it is something that this particular man of yours is going through. As to what it means: this is difficult to assess without my being able to speak with him directly, but given what you have said about his conscious feelings about this woman (not his dreams, but his recollections of actually meeting her and falling in love at first sight) I do think you might have something to worry about. After all, how can you possibly compete with that scenario (a perfect love lost before it could ever really happen) or go head to head with those dreams (dynamite sex, and not even a wet spot to sleep in afterward)?
It must be difficult always to be compared to an unattainable, faultless woman. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I might begin thinking about looking elsewhere for the love you want, but since I have not met your boyfriend this is just my gut feeling--the way I might react to being in the kind of situation you describe--and should not be seen as my firm recommendation.
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