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Dear Dr. Robert

When I was 8, my older boy cousin touched and kissed me. However i can't remember a lot of what happened, but i know it did. I am now 20. I like sex but i have never climaxed with my partner. I believe that part of me subconsciously remembers when i was 8. Was i molested? What is wrong with me now.


Dear Ashley--

You say that you never have climaxed with your partner, so I assume that you have reached orgasm without your partner, through masturbation that is. If this is true, you should know that many women rarely or never reach orgasm during sexual intercourse unless the clitoris is stimulated directly by touching, either by the partner, or, more effectively, by the woman herself. You should understand that the interior of the vagina has few nerve endings, and so is rather insensitive to touch. In fact, when a woman does climax during intercourse, the main physical stimulation comes not from the penis itself, but usually from the pubic bone of the man rubbing on the clitoris and surrounding area which have an abundance of nerve endings, and so are very sensitive to touch.

In other words, the kind of stimulation that you use to reach orgasm when you masturbate--the same kind of rhythm and pressure--is the same kind of stimulation that you should try during intercourse. I suggest that you stimulate yourself at first, since you know exactly how to touch yourself, and if you are able to reach orgasm like that, then you can teach your partner how to touch you.

If, after trying this, you still do not experience orgasm, then it will be time to look into your childhood sexual experiences to see if the situation with your cousin is still hanging you up. In other words, I suggest that you work with physical stimulation first, and resort to psychotherapy only if the physical stimulation cannot bring you to climax during intercourse.

Be well.

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